The second way we are conditioned is called modeling. What were your parents or guardians like in the arena of money when you were growing up? Did one or both of them manage their money well or did they mismanage it? Were they spenders or savers? Were they shrewd investors or were they noninvestors? Were they risk takers or conservative
Was money consistently there or was the flow more sporadic Did money come easily in your family, or was it always a struggle? Was money a source of joy in your household or the cause of bitter arguments?Why is this information important? You’ve probably heard the saying “Monkey see, monkey do.” Well, humans aren’t far behind. As kids, we learn just about everything from modeling. Although most of us would hate to admit it, there’s more than a grain of truth in the old saying “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.”
This reminds me of the story about a woman who prepares a ham for dinner by cutting off both ends. Her bewildered husband asks why she cuts off the ends. She replies, “That’s how my mom cooked it.” Well, it just so happened that her mom was coming for dinner that night. So they asked her why she cut off the ends of the ham. Mom replies, “That’s how my mom cooked it.” So they decide to call Grandma on the phone and ask why she cut off the ends of the ham. Her answer? “Because my pan was too small!” The point is that generally speaking, we tend to be identical to one or a combination of our parents in the arena of money. For example, my dad was an entrepreneur. He was in the home-building business. He built anywhere from a dozen to a hundred homes per project. Each project took a huge amount of capital investment. My dad would have to put up everything we had and borrow heavily from the bank until the homes were sold and the cash came through. Consequently, at the beginning of each project, we had no money and were in debt
up to our eyeballs.
As you can imagine, during this period my dad was not in
the best of moods nor was generosity his strong suit. If I asked him for anything that cost even a penny, his standard reply
after the usual “What am I, made of money?” was “Are you
crazy?” Of course, I wouldn’t get a dime, but what I would get
was that “Don’t even think of asking again” glare. I’m sure you
know the one.
This scenario would last for about a year or two until the homes were finally sold. Then, we’d be rolling in dough. All of a sudden, my dad was a different person. He’d be happy, kind, and extremely generous. He’d come over and ask me if I needed a few bucks. I felt like giving him his glare back, but I wasn’t that stupid so I just said, “Sure, Dad, thanks,” and rolled my eyes. Life was good... until that dreaded day when he’d come home and announce, “I found a good piece of land. We’re going to build again.” I distinctly remember saying, “Great, Dad, good luck,” as my heart sank, knowing the struggle that was about to unfold again. This pattern lasted from the time I could remember, when I was about six, until the age of twenty-one, when I moved out of my parents’ house for good. Then it stopped, or so I thought. At twenty-one years of age, I finished school and became, you guessed it, a builder. I then went on to several other types of project-based businesses. For some strange reason, I’d make a small fortune, but just a short time later, I’d be broke. I’d get into another business and believe I was on top of the
world again, only to hit bottom a year later. This up-and-down pattern went on for nearly ten years before I realized that maybe the problem wasn’t the type of business I was choosing, the partners I was choosing, the
employees I had, the state of the economy, or my decision to
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